Punishment vs Discipline: A Comparison
Punishment and Discipline are tools that parents use to elicit an expected behavior in their child or to achieve a specific purpose in their parenting. Do punishment and Discipline mean the same thing? I want you to pause and say the word PUNISH out loud. Now say the word DISCIPLINE out loud. I’ve had parents do this exercise, and then I asked them what each word could make them think, feel, or do. Here are some of the answers I have received:
PUNISH:
Emotions the parent feels preceding the punishment – anger, frustration.
The possible outcome of the anger and frustration – irrational thinking, beating or hitting the child, yelling at the child – punishment.
Parent’s view of the child in regards to the behavior – bad.
Possible emotions that the punishment (the yelling, the beating) triggers in the child – guilt, shame, unworthiness, low self-esteem.
Possible lessons the child learns from the punishment – fear, aggression, violence (I can get aggressive or violent to make people do what I want them to do).
The overall result of the punishment – a temporary change made out of fear
DISCIPLINE:
Possible emotions the parent feels before disciplining the child – upset, but also understanding and hopeful.
Possible outcomes of the understanding – empathy, patience, rational thinking, and rational decision in regards to what disciplinary action to take, considering the child’s age and the child’s personality.
Parent’s possible view of the child regarding the behavior – possibly age-related (“normal” based on the child’s stage of development).
Possible emotions that the Discipline triggers in the child – genuine remorse, repentance, willingness to change.
Possible lessons the child learns from the Discipline – respect, accountability, and responsibility.
The overall result of the Discipline – genuine and lasting change
Punishment Versus Discipline
With punishment, the parent’s anger and frustration spiral into irrational thinking and impulsive behaviors (e.g., hitting the child, cursing at the child, etc.), which produces shame, unworthiness, low self-esteem, aggression, and violence in the child. The result? Temporary change (made out of fear).
With Discipline, the parent’s empathy and patience help them make a rational decision (like holding a dialogue with the child, listening to the child’s reasoning, giving the child options, age-appropriate consequences, etc.). This produces genuine remorse, repentance, willingness to change, accountability, respect, and a sense of responsibility in the child. The result? Genuine and lasting change.
Similar Words Associated With Punishment Based on Dictionary Definitions: penalizing, battering, thrashing, beating, pounding, pummeling, thumping, etc.
Similar Words Associated With Discipline Based on Dictionary D
Definitions: regulation, direction, order, train, teach, coach, educate, etc.
Healthy Discipline does not punish but teaches the child. Healthy Discipline brings about genuine change (a change that lasts). On the contrary, punishment (an unhealthy form of Discipline) produces shame, guilt, violence, fear, and a temporary change. In summary, healthy Discipline instills a sense of responsibility, not shame and guilt.
Chidi Ndubueze
MHR, LPC, LADC/MH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator